"I know God loves me because of ________"

I love those moments when God's love is just so obvious and clear, when you can feel it surrounding you and you want to cry and laugh and squeal all at the same time.  Well last night was one of those moments.  

Driving home from teaching swim lessons it just hit me how much I enjoy teaching these kids, I was literally getting shivers just taking it all in.  God has given me this unshakable passion for kids.  I love it!  Sure I really enjoy other things as well but other things don't match this same crazy happy, blessed feeling I get.  I get all giddy when I think about it, God designed every little thing about me and gave me this passion while knowing ahead of time the crazy joy it would bring me!  

It's just more proof that God has a perfect plan for my life and He wants me to be happy and feel His great love.  He made everyone so unique with their own talents, dreams, and all the little things that make us happy and complete.  We were each created for a different purpose, something that no one else is meant for. 

I'm excited to see how God will use me with my plan to teach elementary PE and possibly coach swimming, whether it be with kids, their parents, or anyone else God decides.  Who knows where God will place me maybe it's in Austin, the DFW area, or even overseas with the Department of Defense teaching on a base.  It might not be any of these, but wherever I end up I know I can trust God and His plan.

This was summer of 2011 coaching Dick Nichols Black Team.

Epsilon Family!

So I have a new little!  (old news but still exciting!)  It was definitely God showing me what He can do when I have nothing to do with the situation.  I was not planning on having another little in my sorority and I didn't really know any of our new members.  So it was out of the blue when one of my Delta Gamma sisters came up to me and told me that she heard that Allyson wanted me as a big.  She then asked if she could be her big instead of me since I already have a little (Kelly), so I said that was fine with me since I had only met Allyson once (which happened to be at church, but we didn't even get a chance to even talk).  Later that night I got a call asking if I would like to be Allyson's big!  I explained that I said another sister could have Allyson as a little, so I was told that I would be called back while a decision was being made.  After the phone call I prayed asking that God's will be done.  If God wanted me to be Allyson's big then I would know that God had big plans for our relationship as big and little.  Right after my prayer I got a call back.  Again, I was asked to be Allyson's big!  I'm now the proud big of Allyson, my littlest little!

Above:  the anchor I made for Allyson (front and back).  The design on the back is from a ring that I noticed we both had.  Below:  Allyson and me at Big/Little reveal : )

One day at the park Allyson told me her side of the story of how we are big and little.  She didn't know who she wanted as her big.  However, she wanted her big to be someone she wasn't already friends with and she wanted someone who was going to be a positive influence in her life.  She figured there was something different about me since me met at church.  She felt that God had led her to choose me as her big!  God wanted us to end up together!!  That same day at the park I asked her what she had thought about Campus Crusade (I had invited her to CRU the previous week but didn't get a chance to ask her what she had thought about it.)  She did enjoy it but didn't think she would be able to go every week.  She was also wanting a more one-on-one environment so that she could comment and ask lots of questions! PERFECT! I had been wanting to ask her if she wanted to start a discipleship relationship!!  God planned this out so well!

So we have been meeting once a week and going through a bible study called The Gospel-Centered Life.  So far we have gone through two of the lessons and it has been going great!  I look forward to seeing everything God has in store.  This has been an awesome experience to really share my faith and grow in faith with my little and sister in Christ!

In CRU my group (the m-track or multiplication track) has been learning about discipleship and what it looks like to disciple someone.  Samantha has been discipline me for a year and I'm passing on the legacy to Allyson! Multiplication in process! 

Above:  this is the paddle that Allyson made for me!! (front and back)

I love that we both incorporated bible verses on the paddles we made for each other! I hope that God remains the center of our relationship and that everything will be very real and intentional.  Sometimes I get jealous of the friendships that I see she has with some of the DG sisters but I have to remind myself that our relationship might be different but in a very good way!  Allyson and I might not have the closest relationship yet but we have Christ in common which is the most important aspect and that bond will continue to grow and bring us closer together because we both love God!!

 

My beautiful Epsilon Family - with our two additions to the family!

Tiffany (big), Alycia (twin), Alisha, Kelly (little), Amanda,

Allyson (littlest little), and Chelsea (my grand little - Kelly's little)

 

Goodbye Facebook!

Yes I said it. Goodbye Facebook! It is deactivated and hopefully it will stay that way for a long time if not permanently. Facebook has been a big distraction (yes it is fun to look at pictures and see what people have been up to - in a stalker kind of a way as opposed to actual communication). Instead of Facebook I want to write in this blog and post pictures (don't worry Mom, you can still stalk me : ) lol just not on Facebook anymore, this blog will have to do). Hopefully this blog will also keep me reflecting and growing in my Christian walk with God instead of wasting my time Facebook stalking people.

So I've been feeling really resistant towards God lately, or maybe I'm just further realizing this. I have been seeing how much of a control freak I am. I like things to go a certain way - my way. I feel like I can, or should be able to, do everything by myself and without help. I always like to have a plan and have never been very spontaneous. I want to be able to plan out my future my way. So handing over all control to God is not easy, comfortable, or desirable at all. I have the "head knowledge" that God has the best plan for my life, that He will always be by my side, and He will help and guide me along the way, but this knowledge has not transferred to my heart. I'm not trusting God with my life. I'm not believing that He loves me like He says He does nor that He has the best plan and purpose for my life. I'm being selfish in holding onto the control of my life so that I can call all the shots. In doing so all I'm really doing is making life more difficult and stressful for myself, but if I simply let go and let God guide me in everything I do then there will be no need to worry or stress because God knows what He is doing (again, this is still head knowledge and not quite heart knowledge). Of course this doesn't mean I wont suffer or go through trials, I absolutely will, but God has a plan "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"(Romans 8:28). So even when things might seem bad/hard/confusing, God has a purpose for it. It's scary because we can't see the end result, but God does and that is where we can place our comfort. God, our perfect Father, loves us and has the perfect plan for our lives according to His will and He's not just going to leave us to fend for ourselves, He is by our side the whole way. Nothing can separate us from the love of God!

I can't let go by myself though. I need God to help me. I need God to place the desire in my heart more and more. Nothing I do will help me. The human nature is not to pursue God, God pursues us and the Holy Spirit that God gave us works through us to chase after God, it is not of our flesh that wants more of God. So in order for my faith and desire to grow I need to go straight to the source - to GOD. I need to pray and read His Word so that God will increase my faith! Reading my Bible and praying is not just something that Christians are supposed to do, it's how we can communicate with God and be in a relationship, and through this relationship God will give more faith.

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)

Acceptance

I seem to always struggle with acceptance. I want to be accepted by my sorority sisters, people in my organizations, people at work, the girl I mentor,...I always go to people for acceptance. I want to fit in and have a place where I feel like I belong, where I'm accepted. I get so down because I don't have the best friend that I've been wanting for so long. I've been looking in all the wrong places. Instead of pursuing a best friend I should be chasing after God!

"At the root of the human condition is a struggle for righteousness and identity. We long for a sense of acceptance, approval, security, and significance--because we were designed by God to find these things in him." I read this in my Bible study, The Gospel-Centered Life. This makes perfect sense and clears things up. It's natural to want to be accepted, but I'm not going to find the acceptance I crave from anyone but God. I have always turned to a boyfriend to fulfill this craving. I have seen over and over again that a boyfriend is not what I need for this. However, I have hope that through God I will be filled with acceptance and everything else I desire.

"Sin has separated us from God and created in us a deep sense of alienation...To really experience the deep transformation God promises us in the gospel, we must continually repent of our sinful patterns. Our souls must become deeply rooted in the truth of the gospel so that we anchor our righteousness and identity in Jesus and not in ourselves."

Let's Try This Again

So I'm going to try to be more consistent with this. Hopefully I will stick with blogging this go around. I read some other blogs and I'm really encouraged by things I read about other people learning and growing in their faith. I love seeing what God is doing in other people's lives. Hopefully by writing about my walk with the Lord people will also be encouraged by what I have learned and experienced. This will also enable me to look back and see what all God has done in my life.

God is so big and does so much for me but I take so much for granted and forget about how awesome God really is. I have been learning so much and I want to keep learning, not get caught up in the world. I need to constantly be aware of God's presence in my life and know that He has the best plan for my life. I might not like everything that happens but God has a purpose for everything that happens. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28

It is so easy to get wrapped up in thoughts such as "My life isn't fair, why did this happen to me, if only my situation was different,..." But we have to suffer and go through our own life as God has planned. We can't see what the purpose for all of life's situations and directions, only God can. We just have to trust God and believe that He knows what's best and really does have a perfect plan for our lives.

We don't want to give up control of our lives because we think it's "risky". Is it really risky? Is it really risky to put our lives in the hands of God who loves us so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins? No. That is the safest way too go. We just want to do everything by ourselves! Well, newsflash, our faith is not even our own. God chose us and gave us our faith. "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." -Ephesians 2:8

Salvation is not accomplished by me. I'm not saved because I pursued God, but because God pursued me! That is crazy! Why would God want me? What do I have to offer God? Nothing, God doesn't need us for anything, for some crazy reason he wants us! We are sinful and our acts of righteousness are nothing but filthy rags, but he loves us and pursues us. So why are we so tentative to give Him everything? We should be asking, begging, for God to want us and to use us for His glory! Why don't I live life like this?

DG Bible Study 3

God's Love

"God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

This is so powerful and mind blowing! I see and hear this verse often but I don't always stop and think about it. His Son lived the perfect life, free from sin, so that he could take EVERYONE'S punishment for their sin back then, now, and forever to come. It is hard to imagine any father letting his son die and especially suffering so much. I can't picture my parents doing this to me and I wouldn't be able to do the same for my children. This shows how vast God's love is for me and everyone else. I'm so thankful for this! I know I sin and I don't deserve the grace that I've been given. God could have easily decided to punish all our sins and deny access to Heaven but He leaves the doors open under one condition:

"that if you confess with you mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

I don't have to worry if I'm "good enough." I'm not "graded" on the number of good deeds I do or how often I sin. God loves me for who I am, God loves me even when I pull away from him, He loves me unconditionally and more than anyone else can or will. I can know that I have a spot in Heaven waiting for me and that makes me so excited!

DG Bible Study 2

Is the foundation of your faith in God strong enough to withstand the storms of life that will inevitably come?

Not at all like Job, who even after his house, animals, possessions, money, and children were taken from him, he was still able to remain faithful to God. I would probably respond like his wife, who didn't remain faithful to God, if I had to endure anything close to that of Job and his family. I feel like my foundation has slowly been deteriorating or wasn't much to begin with. I'm struggling with building a strong foundation and completely putting my faith in God. Unfortunately I usually turn to Him last.

What am I doing to build on my foundation?

I've been going to The Village Church, DG Bible Study, and my lifegroup when I can. Occasionally I have read my bible and pray, I'm working on this but I'm not as often as I should. I keep telling myself that I need to work at it, but I always put other things 1st that are of less importance or out of selfishness. I need to read more often. I need to pray and simply spend more time getting to know God on a more personal level, like a best friend.

What is one new thing you'll begin doing this week to further strengthen your faith?

SPEND TIME! Pray and read. I also want to start going to Axcess again.